Thanks for your kind words. I never expected her death to be so hard to deal with. It wasn’t like that when Dad died. The bad part is that her birthday is a couple of days away and the anniversary of her death is this month, too, so it’s a rather emotional issue for me right now.

Normally, I don’t pay attention to the anniversary of someone’s death. I still think about Dad on his birthday, but don’t even remember the exact day he died, sometime in mid-July.

The problem is that the only real assets in her estate are the house and land, and I’ve been living here for over 15 years, too. I should have bought it from her years ago, when I had more money coming in, but she never wanted to do it.

So, I’m not personally liable for the debt, but if we have to sell the house, it leaves me with nowhere to live, and I could never find a place where I can live as inexpensively as here.

It’s not a great house. It started as a one-room log cabin and they added rooms here and there over time. It was built by people who were learning how to build a house, but it isn’t built all that well. I think it would be hard to find more than a couple of real right-angles in the whole place. That said, it’s still been a good place for our family to live for the last 35 years or so, since Dad retired.

I have to remember Dad talking about the house he grew up in. When it snowed, his quilt would be covered with snow that blew in through the shingles in the roof. This house is better than that one, but it has its share of problems.

I’ll know soon enough what I’ll be facing when they make their decision.

Yes, I’ve been working with my lawyer on this every step of the way, but there’s not much that can be done unless they decide to go after the money and don’t arrange for payments. We might be able to appeal that or take other steps, but there’s nothing to do but wait at this point.

There’s a small possibility that I could sell some of the land on top of the mountain to a neighbor, if he’s interested. The trouble with that is that he’s the only one with access to the land and it would be difficult to sell to anyone else because there is no access to that part of the mountain, otherwise. Whether he’s interested and what he’d be willing to pay is unknown.

Putting in a road to the top of the mountain would be difficult, too, because the only real place to put it is where the house is.

Other than that, the only option would be to sell everything and move. We’re in a depressed housing market here and this old house is not what people are looking for. The only real advantage is that we do own land from the road to the top of the mountain and down the other side and we’re only about a quarter-mile from a lake. There might be more demand for the land than for the house, so it might bring more if the house were torn down.

Anyway, it’s up to them to make their decision and then I’ll discuss it with my lawyer and see what needs to be done next.

Once this is out of the way, in whichever way it goes, I think I’ll be able to finally settle her estate and refocus my attention on business and moving forward

(I’m probably saying more here than I should, but what the heck? My life’s pretty much an open book. The only real advantage I can see in this whole mess is that, if I have to move, I’ll try to end up somewhere that I can get fast broadband access instead of slow dial-up.)

All the best,

JD

Actually, even though she had to move into the nursing home quickly, she did qualify for Medicaid. The state is trying to recoup the money they spend through Medicaid in paying for her stay.

The problem right now is that she never signed the house over to me. I tried for over two years to get her to do that. Every time we discussed it, she agreed that it was the thing to do, but every time I tried to get her to go to our lawyer, she found an excuse not to do it.

Several times, when coming back from a doctor’s visit, I drove to the lawyer’s office to get it done. However, every time, she said she was too tired or feeling too bad. Yes, it would have taken some effort to help her out of the car and into her wheelchair, but no more than it took when she was at home or the doctor’s office.

I think she knew, intellectually, that it was the right thing to do, but just couldn’t handle giving up that independence on an emotional level.

So, now it’s all in the hands of the folks in Raleigh. I got a return receipt that my package arrived before the deadline, so all I can do is wait and see what happens.

I totally agree with you. People with elderly parents should deal with these issues as early as possible, but sometimes it just doesn’t get done and then we have to deal with the fallout.

It’s been a tough situation, but it will be resolved – one way or the other – in the near future.

The bad part was that she was doing pretty well last June, and, then, in a matter of two or three weeks, went downhill much faster than any of us expected.

As it was, it was difficult enough to get her power of attorney to handle things before she died and our lawyer and his notary had to go to her in the nursing home to get it done.

I learned from that lesson. Earlier this year, I arranged for my daughter to have my power of attorney, I filed a new will naming her as administrator, and filed a living will giving her power over my health care.

I don’t want her to face the issues I’ve been facing this year.

Live and learn, eh?

All the best,

JD

As to them trying to recoup their money, wouldn’t your mum’s estate cover it, and if not what exactly makes you liable for it?

I can only hope they waiver it, and if not that they will let you pay for it in installments.

Have you sought out any legal aid as to what your options are?

This is terrible news. I wish I knew a way to help, but I don’t. Actually, I’m trying to figure things out. I guess because of how fast you had to move your mother she didn’t qualify for Medicaid before she was in, right? Also, she never signed the house over to you, right?

Man, that’s why I tell people out this way that they really need to work with their elderly parents early, planning things just in case. The thing with the nursing home is one thing, but if the house had been signed over to you there would be nothing these people could do. You wouldn’t be responsible for your mother’s bills; at least that’s how things normally work out. And, since your income wasn’t all that high, I’m surprised no one worked with you earlier, because she should have easily qualified. Well, except for the house and spenddown; in NY, they can’t take the house, no matter what.

I’m pulling for you, my man; shame.
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